I went to the beach today and felt like a hot bitch, so this seems like the right song to write about tonight. I love the video, because it’s not only hilarious but promotes self-confidence and body acceptance as well. The scrawny guy has more balls than the muscle guy, but the scrawny guy with passion in his pants gets all the ladies, so…
When I walk on by,
Girls be lookin’ like,
“Damn, you fly!”
I wrote a blog a few years ago about wearing a bikini I had purchased 20 pounds earlier (you can check it—and my bikini bod!—out here). I am now at least 30 pounds heavier than I was when I bought the bikini I wore today, and I’m also now in my early 40s. Like most people I am sometimes not happy with certain parts of my body, but overall I know I look pretty damn good.
I don’t know what it means to have a perfect body, because everyone has flaws, everyone! I embrace everything I am, and accept that some things will just always look a certain way unless I decide to butcher myself with plastic surgery or inject my face with botulism to erase wrinkles and any sign of natural expression on my face.
There have been times in my life when I was much thinner than I am now, but that was usually a result of being sick or stressed out and not eating. I love being thick—I think I look a lot better, more natural, than when I have weighed less. But the thing is, I am happier with myself overall right now than I was before. I respect myself more, I don’t give two fucks what anyone thinks I should look like. I’ve never been one to compare myself to others or to pay attention to diet and fashion trends. I have always just worn what looks good on me.
These days, I rarely wear makeup. I pretty much never wear it to work anymore, and if I’m just going to the grocery store or running other errands, I am makeup-free and wearing yoga pants or sweats with a random t-shirt. Who do I need to impress at the fucking gas station? Of course, this sort of thing horrifies many women and gay men, but I am completely comfortable with my appearance and don’t think it’s necessary to put on a show for strangers. I wear nice clothes and makeup to church and other formal events, and that’s pretty much it. If I am having a day out and about with friends or family, I’ll probably put on some makeup. But I’m not talking drag makeup—just concealer, foundation, and bronzer. I don’t want to look like Tammy Faye.
Being sexy is not important to me anymore. When I was younger I think I confused sex with being sexy. Now that I don’t have sex anymore (and probably never will again) or even spend time in social situations with straight men, I have a different perspective. I really only need to make myself happy. Gay men are the ones who have always told me I am sexy; the first person outside my family to ever tell me I am attractive was the gay best friend of my first college roommate. I certainly did not feel pretty, but he had no reason to lie to me. Back in the day when I was out in the gay bars all the time I was always dressing for attention, and I sure got it! I was a big old ho, and it was a lot of fun. I wore very little clothing most of the time. One year for Mardis Gras I had on a bikini with mesh stripper shorts; at one point the bikini top came off and all I had on were glitter pasties over my nipples. Those were the days the girls were still standing at attention without assistance.
When I’m at the bar
Security just can’t fight ‘em off
There are times when I feel sexy for no reason, and I think that’s the best. You don’t always need someone to tell you you’re hot, because if you’re sexy and you know it, they will know it, too. Of course, we all want others to find us sexy, and being with someone who thinks you’re a hot piece of ass is awesome! But really, confidence is the sexiest quality in a person. Not being a cocky asshole, because then you’re just a cocky asshole. If you are confident in yourself you don’t need to be rude to people, and you don’t need to put anyone down. Confidence is about knowing who you are and not worrying about what others think. Confidence means you are not afraid to say and do things, even if you might not be right or successful. It all boils down to being comfortable in your own skin, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. We all need to learn to accept ourselves, and then others will have no choice but to deal with us on our own terms.
There are a lot of unhappy people in the world, and I used to be one of them. I still get frustrated and feel shitty, but I can say that, at age 41, I am far more comfortable with myself than I have ever been. And I know I am a sexy bitch!